Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Week That Will Be (11.08.08)

Last Week: - 0-6 ATS 4-2 SU
For the Year: 33-26-1 (.559) ($440) ATS 49-11 (.817) SU

What we learned last week: We learned that you have Matthew Stafford, I have Colt McCoy, I’ll take McCoy. How the hell did Florida lose to Mississippi? Get ready for the fellatio of Florida, college football fans…Florida State isn’t quite back…and I can’t think of a single other thing to say about that game…Alabama says not so fast to trap games, as they took care of a solid Arkansas State team with no trouble. That’s the sign of good coaching…We learned that Baylor isn’t the same as “BYE” anymore. Art Briles and Robert Griffin have that program going in the right direction, it’s just too bad for them that they reside in the Big 12 South…We learned that holy crap Oklahoma can put up the points quickly. Let’s all hope that Sam Bradford goes pro this Spring…We learned that while Texas might not have to play a perfect game at home to win (Oklahoma State), they’d damn better take care of things early on the road. Falling down 19-0 is inexcusable in a game like that. But look at the bright side, absolutely everything went Texas Tech’s way Saturday night, and the Longhorns held the lead with :02 seconds left in the game. Salty.


Holy crap, what a week. I’m pretty sure if Osama bin Laden was put into the general population at Leavenworth Federal Prison he wouldn’t have weeks as bad as that one.

0-6 in The Week That Will Be.

Lose to Texas Tech on the last second of the game.

The Cowboys look like a roster full of homeless bums found on the New Jersey boardwalk against the New York Giants.

And we won’t even mention the election.

But we HOPE to CHANGE the tide this week, and officially declare last week buried, dead, gone.

Sadly, we are nearing the end of the college football regular season, and it is time to see where teams might end up in the post-season. Here are Matt’s Bowl Game Projections.

The Bailout Bowl – Ron Prince vs. Phil Fulmer Apparently Barack Obama being elected President was way too much for the Racial Equality Gods to handle, because Ron Prince (one of only 6 African-American coaches in NCAA Football) will resign this week. Despite his 2-0 record against Texas, the 14-18 record in his other games apparently wasn’t enough for that rich college football powerhouse that is Kansas State. Speaking of powerhouses, a national title wasn’t enough for Phil Fulmer to keep the job at his alma-mater, so he’s back to the ever lucrative Fred Thompson look-alike circuit.

The Idiotic Moron Bowl – The Coach That Voted OU #1 This Week vs. The Idiotic Woman on YouTube This Week That Said Obama Will Pay For Her Gas and Her Mortgage

Seriously? In what warped mind is Oklahoma #1? In fact, the other 118 coaches don’t get off the hook for putting Oklahoma and USC in front of Texas. And Florida in front of them, either. Look, you can make an argument for Florida, they’re playing very good ball. But they got beat by that village idiot Houston Nutt and Mississippi. Huge strike. USC beat Ohio State (woo-hoo!), but the rest of their schedule reads like a hodge-podge of NCAA basketball exhibition games against Athletes in Action, EA Sports and P Diddy’s All-Stars.

And Oklahoma, who did they lose to? Hmm…it’s right at the tip of my tongue….oh yeah, TEXAS. But oh yeah, it was way back in August, oh wait, no, it was FOUR weeks ago. And the moron that put Oklahoma at #1 (I’m betting Joe Paterno woke up in the middle of the night and saw his friend Bud Wilkinson looking at him and freaked out) should be forbidden to ever vote again in any poll and any national election. The moron probably voted for Michael Dukakis yesterday.

The Thanks a Lot Rich Rodriguez Bowl – Weather in Michigan in the Winter vs. Weather in the South in the Winter

For the first time in 33 years, Michigan fans won’t have a bowl game to attend, as their loss to Purdue on Saturday guaranteed a losing season. Wolverine fans are encouraged to send their heftier heating bills to Rich Rodriguez. Will Rodriguez turn it around at Michigan? Probably, but damn, they have talent in the backfield, and how long does it take to teach to run the football? Georgia Tech seems to be doing just fine in the first year under Paul Johnson. And it’s not like the Big 10 schedule is murderer’s row. If Michigan is still struggling next year, Rodriguez might be a contender for the Bailout Bowl.

The Which is More Assholish Bowl – Urban Meyer’s First Timeout Against Georgia In the Final Minute vs. Urban Meyer’s Second Timeout Against Georgia In the Final Minute

But hey, Tim Tebow is the “best spread quarterback in America” according to CBS commentator Gary Danielson, which is about as accurate as saying Brad Johnson is the best back-up quarterback in the NFL. Tebow seems like a good kid, but he likes to wear jorts, so there is a reason to hate him right there. Add Urban Meyer’s smugness and the general attitude of the SEC in general, and I’m hoping we play a SEC team in a bowl game, no matter which bowl game it is.

The Mike Leach Bowl – Tennessee vs. Washington

Mike Leach announces that he is going to leave Texas Tech at the end of the year, but requires that the athletic departments of the University of Tennessee and the University of Washington have to have a pirate fight to the death in order to secure his services. The event is held at the Treasure Island Hotel in Las Vegas and is televised on ESPN2.

The LOL Cats Bowl


What a great website.

And now some Big 12 Bowls…

The Independence Bowl – Colorado vs. Louisiana Lafayette

This is why Darrell Scott came to Colorado, dammit. Buffs, Cajuns, in Shreveport 3 days after Christmas? Does it GET any better than that? He might have to leave Colorado due to the increase in sponsorship offers due to the high profile match-up.

The Insight Bowl – Nebraska vs. Iowa

Kirk Ferentz gets paid $3.2 million to bring his Iowa squad to big games like the Insight Bowl. Nebraska is just glad not to be playing another spread offense.

The Alamo Bowl – Kansas vs. Minnesota

Minnesota coach Tim Brewster gets to return to Texas, while Kansas coach Mark Mangino gets to return to Mexican food restaurants. It’s really a win win situation.

The Sun Bowl – Missouri vs. Oregon

Spectators on the hills surrounding the stadium are so repulsed by Oregon’s uniforms that they forget to stick their hands down each other’s pants. It’s really a lose lose situation.

The Holiday Bowl – Oklahoma vs. California

The Sooners throw their last game against Oklahoma State in order to avoid a fifth straight BCS bowl loss, figuring that California would be easier to beat. Sam Bradford’s acne clears up in the pristine California air, and he forces a trade to San Diego in April’s NFL Draft.

The Cotton Bowl – Texas Tech vs. LSU

LSU gave up 50 points to Florida and Georgia, what the hell are they going to do against Texas Tech? Mike Leach gets bored by the end of the game and gets someone to operate the Ferris Wheel.

The Fiesta Bowl – Oklahoma State vs. Boise State

43 year old Ian Johnson isn’t enough for the Broncos, as Oklahoma State clobbers them. After Oklahoma State fails to sell enough tickets, T Boone Pickens buys thousands of tickets and recruits illegals from Mexico to sit in the seats. The Fiesta Bowl gets a whole different meaning.

The National Championship Game – Texas vs. Florida

Where the hell did you expect me to project us at?

Let us take a look at the BCS standings:

1. Alabama
2. Texas Tech
3. Penn State
4. Texas
5. Florida
6. Oklahoma

Now, consider this. Two of those teams are GUARANTEED to lose a game this year, because they play each other (if Alabama plays Florida in the SEC Championship game).

Does anyone really expect Texas Tech to win out? Do you really think they’ll go into Norman and beat Oklahoma, where Bob Stoops is 59-2 in his career?

Hell, would it shock anyone if they lost this week? They’ve already played and won their national championship game by beating the Longhorns. This is, after all, the same team that was losing to Texas A&M at the half and had to go to OT to beat Nebraska. They played a perfect game on Saturday, got all of the breaks, and still needed a miracle comeback to beat Texas. They’ll lose at least once, probably twice.

Penn State has the easiest road to the championship game, playing home games against 3-5 Indiana and 8-2 Michigan State and going on the road to play 5-4 Iowa this week. They’ve got a pretty solid offense and a dominating defense, but let’s just go on the premise that no team this year is good enough to go undefeated. I know that’s a weak premise, but sue me. Something tells me that Penn State loses one of these games (and by the way, I would have said that before Texas lost last week).

Alabama has won some impressive games this year and has won some not-so impressive games this year. I think their lack of a passing game catches up to them at some point, perhaps this week at LSU.

There is still a lot of football to be played. The computers love us, and the humans will come around on us after we show them we’re not going anywhere. But make no mistake about it.

We win out, and the dominoes will fall for us. Because we’re Texas.

And let’s say it all together now.

Yes, we can.

This is our moment, this is our time.

Facebook Status Messages

Big 12 Officials skipped the portion of the rulebook where they talk about holding.

Texas becomes a fan of Oklahoma State and Oklahoma.

Blake Gideon gave a gift to Texas Tech!

Pete Carroll and The BCS are no longer in a relationship.

Matthew Stafford has joined the group Future First Round Busts.

Ryan Leaf now lists “Getting painkillers from my players” in his interests.

Texas wrote on Notre Dame’s Wall: “Gotcha.”

On to the games...

TCU -2.5 @ Utah:

Who knew this would be such a big game this late in the season? TCU (9-1) and Utah (9-0) both harbor dreams of being BCS busters, and the winner of this game certainly takes the inside track towards that.

The Horned Frogs are rolling since getting QB Andy Dalton back from injury and have won 5 straight since an early season loss to Oklahoma. TCU relies on a strong ground game (12th in the country) and a defense (2nd in the country in total defense) that has only allowed 42 points in those five wins.

Utah was challenged by New Mexico last week, but have gone through their schedule with nary a challenge. They also have a tough defense (7th in the country).

This match-up looks really close. Give me Utah due to the home field advantage.

Utah 24 TCU 21
ATS – Utah
SU – Utah

Penn State -7.5 @ Iowa:

With Penn State getting Michigan State at home later this year, this might be the best chance for an upset.

Penn State hasn’t won at Iowa since 1999. QB Darryl Clark is coming off a concussion against Ohio State. Iowa has the nation’s 7th best scoring defense and has 5 interceptions in their last two games against Illinois and Wisconsin. Iowa has 4 losses this year, but they are by a combined 11 points. They played Michigan State, Northwestern and Pittsburgh tough in losses. The weather forecast is 46 degrees, which might slow down Penn State’s spread offense. Pumped home crowd.

There are your reasons for an upset. Will it happen? Probably not.

Penn State 28 Iowa 14
ATS – Penn State
SU – Penn State

Alabama -3 @ LSU:

Oh what a delicious game. Nick Saban returns to Baton Rouge with Alabama at #1, while LSU is just hoping to play spoiler. Outstanding theater.

It has been quite the Jekyll and Hyde defense for the Tigers this year, as they’re ranked 21st in total defense, but gave up a combined 103 points in games against Florida and Georgia earlier this year. If the Jekyll defense can show up and make Alabama one dimensional, watch out.

Every stat points towards Alabama here, but somehow I just don’t see LSU going 0-3 in their big match-ups this year. And I find it hard to believe that any SEC can go through to the title game without a loss. Jarrett Lee is good enough to get the job done while Alabama’s defense has a slip-up game.

LSU 28 Alabama 21

Oklahoma -27 @ Texas A&M:

Oklahoma looked like Obama in the Northeast last week, up 28-0 with barely six minutes gone off the clock in the first quarter against Nebraska.


For whatever reason, the Sooners have trouble in College Station.

2006: Oklahoma 17 Texas A&M 16
2004: Oklahoma 42 Texas A&M 35
2002: Texas A&M 30 Oklahoma 26
2000: Oklahoma 35 Texas A&M 31
1998: Texas A&M 29 Oklahoma 0

Can you explain that? I sure as hell can’t. The Sooners are good, but the Aggies have been better as late, with QB Jarrod Johnson completing 63% of his passes and holding a 18/4 TD/INT ratio.

The Sooners have been giving up yards in bunches lately, and I see them giving up more here.

Oklahoma 41 Texas A&M 27
ATS – Texas A&M
SU – Oklahoma

Oklahoma State @ Texas Tech -3:

The home team has won every game in this series since 2001, and the Cowboys haven’t beaten Tech in Lubbock since 1944. Those two trends look great for the Red Raiders.


Can the Red Raiders live up to the hype two weeks in a row? Can they get up for the Cowboys the same that they did for the Longhorns? We don’t know, because Texas Tech has never been in this situation.

One thing that Oklahoma State can throw at you is a ridiculous running game. Kendall Hunter is averaging 135 yards per game, and if you bottle him up, then you have to deal with WR Dez Bryant, who is averaging 117 yards and 6 catches per game.

Think about that. Fozzy Whitaker (a good talent) and Malcolm Williams (a good talent) tore up Texas Tech in the second half of the game last week, and those guys are nowhere near the level of Hunter and Bryant right now.

So we’ve established that Oklahoma State will be able to move the football on Texas Tech.

Can the Cowboys contain Harrell and Crabtree? Probably not, but they should be able to get some turnovers (rank 22nd in the nation in turnover margin, picked off Chase Daniel 3 times).

When the pass fell incomplete at the end of the Texas/Oklahoma State game, I said that day on the way back to the tailgate that Oklahoma State was the best team we faced this year and that I could easily see them running the table. I’m not wavering from that until they give me reason to. I have a hard time seeing Texas Tech getting up for two games in a row.

Oklahoma State 38 Texas Tech 34
ATS – Oklahoma State
SU – Oklahoma State

Baylor @ Texas -27:

For those of you wondering what I was alluding to in the Notre Dame blurb above, if Texas wins this game and Notre Dame loses to Boston College, the Longhorns will tie the Irish for second place in all-time wins (829).

Whew. After 4 games against Top 12 teams, the Longhorns can finally rest. Okay maybe not, Baylor isn’t Baylor of old.

QB Robert Griffin set a NCAA record for most completions without an interception before throwing one at the end of the game trying to come back against Missouri last week. The kid is for real, as he has thrown for nearly 1700 yards, with 11 touchdowns and 1 interception. He also averages about 65 yards a game on the ground, which is significant, because outside of Zac Robinson at Oklahoma State, the Longhorns haven’t really faced that dual threat QB this year.

On offense, the Horns shouldn’t have much trouble. Baylor is giving up 245 yards per game through the air, and rank 83rd in the country in sacks and 110th in the country in tackles for losses.

I think the Horns win this one easily…but that line is a bit big for a Baylor squad that has really played better than their record indicates thus far.

Texas 41 Baylor 17
ATS – Baylor
SU – Texas

Random Hot Dallas Chick

For entertainment purposes only. Save your money and do your patriotic duty and give it to the government.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. it seems like people assume Ryan Leaf is going to screw up before it actually happens... but i guess this is mostly his own doing