For the Year: - 10-7-1 (.588) ($230) ATS 15-3 (.833) SU
What we learned last week: We learned that Benjamin Franklin left out UCLA falling on their faces on the road in his “life and taxes” speech…We learned that USC and Oklahoma appear to be on a different level…but let’s be careful about putting them in Miami already…We learned that Georgia and South Carolina can play some mind-numbing football (but wasn’t the worst game in the SEC that day, unbelievably)…We learned that Mark Mangino apparently has never met Darrell Royal…We learned that a postponement of a game due to a hurricane means in fact that Austin will get no rain…and we learned that for some reason, this 2008 Texas Tech offense < other Mike Leach offenses.
Anyhow…
First of all, I would like to extend my well wishes to those of you out there that might have been affected by Hurricane Ike or have family that has been affected by Ike. This was a terrible event and no doubt the effects of the storm will be felt for years by those in the area. Hopefully you and yours have survived the worst of it, and the resiliency of Texas and its proud populace is about to shine in front of the entire country.
It’s time that we delve into this week’s mailbag. Remember, these are not actual letters from actual readers. We know none of you are literate enough to even cuss me out.
Why couldn’t we just cancel the game? Don’t you people know there are more important things than football right now?
B. Petrino
Fayetteville, AR
Well Bobby, this isn’t the NFL and the Atlanta Falcons, you have to actually finish what you start, here. But don’t worry, we have no doubt forgotten that you backed out of next year’s game and the embarrassment of losing to your school in 2003. No seriously, judging by our luck in “revenge” games the past few years, we probably have forgotten about it. Now, almost losing to Louisiana-Monroe and Western Illinois = Kat Deluna singing the national anthem, so we might not be able to help kicking your ass.
Do you have any OxyContin? Vicodin? Percocet? Morphine?
C. Weis
South Bend, IN
Oh, poor Charlie. Things just go from bad to worse. Although you did pick up a victory over perennial Rose Bowl participant Michigan, so you’ve…what? Michigan went 9-4 last year and were lucky to be that good? They’ve already lost to Utah and could have easily lost to Miami…of Ohio? Oh my, Charlie. Well at least you beat San Diego State. And you still have Syracuse left, that oasis in the desert for so many programs. Speaking of which…
Can I come back? Please?!?!?
G. Robinson
Syracuse, NY
Sorry Greg. I’ll have to forward your email to mackbrown@mail.utexas.edu.
F’ing A man, I just can’t catch a break.
J. Tressel
Columbus, OH
Sorry Jim, it’s sorry to feel sorry for a team that has won a national championship this decade, has a fan base of rabid idiots, refuses to play in a conference championship game and has to have the most single digit wins of any successful team this decade. Your sweater vest will look great in the Rose Bowl, however.
Don’t you agree that Urban Meyer is a classless dirtbag?
W. Sapp
Miami, FL
First, it takes one to know one. Second, is Miami really fighting now about losing by 20 instead of 23? Third, there are a lot of coaches that would have done what Urban Meyer did (kicking a field goal with minutes left up by 20), because A.) Miami did it to them plenty of times, B.) Rick Neuheisal doubled up on the game and needs it to be able to play the NFL this week, C.) Joe Paterno squinted his eyes and thought he was only up by 2 and D.) Bobby Bowden would just be happy he was winning a game.
I’m going to McDonald’s. Don’t call the cops JEFF!
V. Young
Nashville, TN
Oh Vince. How I’m guessing you wished you stayed one more year.
Ed Hochuli isn’t a Pac-10 ref, is he?
B. Stoops
Norman, OK
Let it go, Bob.
How old is Kurt Warner? Like 80? Didn’t he play Blue in Old School?
M. Leinart
Phoenix, AZ
There were two quarterbacks at USC in 2004 that are now quarterbacks...one is starting for New England, and one is riding the bench in Arizona. Which would I rather be? And not just because you’re bound to get the Brazilian supermodel friends of Gisele when you cook out at Tom’s (okay maybe that’s reason enough). Perhaps you should spend more time in the film room and less time on film at TMZ.com, Matt.
Shouldn’t football fields only be 98 yards anyhow?
D. Jackson
Philadelphia, PA
The 1999 Tennessee Titans would agree with you.
What’s the worst thing about sitting at home on a Saturday and watching football on television?
Generic Announcer Guy
New York, NY
Easy. Having to watch CBS. Here is a rundown of things at my house:
South Carolina leads 3-0. We’ll be right back. LOUD COMMERCIAL. Followed by YOU ARE WATCHING SEC FOOTBALL ON CBS….[frantically reaching for remote, turn volume down to half the volume the other channels need]….and we’re back here in Columbia[turn volume back up]WHISTLE.
Shoot me.
Eastern Washington, SMU, Massachusetts…who else can we schedule?
M. Leach
Lubbock, TX
The St. Louis Rams?
What do you think the Longhorns’ chances are in the Red River Rivalry this year?
C. Brown
Austin, TX
Probably not good. With Eli Manning winning the Super Bowl and Jay Cutler off to a hot start in Denver, it appears to be the Year of the Dumbface Quarterback. That doesn’t bode well against Future Dumbface Hall of Famer Sam Bradford.
Facebook News Feed
Demarcus Granger is now friends with Karma.
Auburn and Mississippi State are no longer in a relationship with watchable football.
Beano Cook wrote on Notre Dame’s Wall: “I love you so much. Please win this week.”
Jake Locker is wishing he had something to celebrate now.
The Big 12 has now joined the group Best Quarterbacks in America.
Ron Jaworski, Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser are now friends with Matt’s mute button.
Miami (FL) fans is preparing for culture shock…
On to the games...
LSU -3 @ Auburn:
That Auburn/Mississippi State game was about as exciting as a Bridezillas marathon on the Lifetime network. Auburn has a decent enough defense, but no offense usually doesn’t work against LSU.
LSU 24 Auburn 14
ATS – LSU
SU – LSU
Florida -7.5 @ Tennessee:
Florida’s defense is ranked #3 in the country, and while Hawaii and Miami aren’t as good as they used to be, they aren’t Middle Washington State or whomever most teams are playing, either. Tennessee has looked okay since their season opening loss to UCLA, but they need to show up in a big game before I go with them.
Florida 34 Tennessee 21
ATS – Florida
SU – Florida
Georgia -6.5 @ Arizona State:
We know what happened with Georgia last week. They played the second crappiest game of the day in the SEC. But what the hell happened to Arizona State? Losing to UNLV and Larry Johnson and Stacey Augmon nowhere in sight? What? UNLV has never been good in football?
Who the hell knows. We do know this, Arizona State should be able to pass the ball on Georgia. The Bulldogs have shown some holes in the secondary (letting Chris Smelley throw for 273 yards, you should lose), and ASU has been one of the top passing teams in the country the past couple of years.
Knowshon Moreno should be able to pick his number against ASU, but Georgia rarely travels this far to play a football game. Still give me the Bulldogs, but I think it will be closer than most think.
The Pac-10 can’t be *that* bad, can it?
Georgia 31 Arizona State 28
ATS – Arizona State
SU – Georgia
West Virginia -3 @ Colorado:
West Virginia hasn’t been the rushing force they have been the past few years. Even against Villanova, the Mountaineers only rushed for 149 total yards. Their defense, usually underrated, has been terrible this year. If you can’t run the ball and you can’t pass the ball, it’s hard to win on the road in a tough spot. And again, a team that rarely shows up in “big” games.
Colorado 31 West Virginia 24
ATS – Colorado
SU – Colorado
Miami -3.5 @ Texas A&M:
The Aggies have been awful thus far this year, don’t know who their quarterback is, and when they do know who their quarterback is there are questions about whether that quarterback will fit into that offense. Miami isn’t Miami of old, but that was still good enough for a 17 point win last season.
Miami 24 Texas A&M 10
ATS – Miami
SU – Miami
Rice @ Texas -30:
I want to pick Rice to cover here. I really do. The Longhorns are 98th in the country in pass defense, allowing 261 passing yards a game (albeit only 2 games), and the Rice offense is pretty decent with a solid quarterback who has been there for a while.
But then you look at this:
2007 Texas 58 Rice 14
2006 Texas 52 Rice 7
2005 Texas 51 Rice 10
2004 Texas 35 Rice 13
2003 Texas 48 Rice 7
What does that tell you, besides that we play Rice way too much? It tells you that even though the teams *might* be closer on paper, Texas just has Rice’s number. Add to it all that Rice doesn’t even know where they will be practicing from day to day and it’s a hard situation for them.
Texas 51 Rice 14
ATS – Texas
SU – Texas
Random Hot Dallas Chick
For entertainment purposes only. Save your money for hurricane relief.
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