For the Year: 7-5 (.583) ($150) ATS 9-3 (.750) SU
What we learned last week: We learned that Steve Spurrier is spending too much time at Augusta National and not recruiting a quarterback…Oregon State is either the worst team in the Pac-10 or Penn State is the best team that we’ve seen in the Big 10 this year…Urban Meyer apparently pays attention to the Vegas line…The Aggies will be lucky to reach .500 this year...If Oklahoma is going to score 50 points per game, they might want to work on kick-offs…Colt McCoy 2008 is already > 2007 Colt McCoy, but not quite 2006 Colt McCoy.
Anyhow…
This week it is time for our annual visit with LM Hotel & Casino bookmaker Roxy Roxborough. This afternoon we chatted with Roxborough…and of course he’s up to no good.
Hi Roxy…hey what’s that noise in the background?
Hey there Matt! I am coming LIVE to you from the Gulf of Mexico! I am on one of those hurricane hunter planes, looking into the eye of Ike.
Oh really…how does it look?
Not good, not good. Ike’s pissed and he’s about to make Texas his Tina Turner. Ike’s pissed and he’s about to make Texas look like Nazi Germany at Normandy.
Are you done with your bad clichés? I’ve got a readership to keep here.
I’m done. Ike’s pissed and he’s about to…
Go on.
Eh, that’s all I’ve got.
Okay. College football. How do you think the season is going so far?
Snores. Oh uh sorry. One word, BORING. When the best game of the season involves a guy that looks like the dude from Die Hard 2 and the dude from Airwolf, you’ve got some problems. This season almost wants me to go home and see my wife and kid.
Roxy, your wife left you two years ago.
So you’re saying it’s safe to go home? No wonder I had to fix my own sandwich the last time I was there.
Who is your surprise team this year?
Notre Dame.
Notre Dame? Really? Did you not see their game against San Diego State?
Oh I saw it. It’s more like SURPRISE! We still suck! You’re paying me $4 million to lose to Navy! We’re like the Taliban without the funny headgear and better hygiene, bitches!
That’s quite the analogy. What do you think about the Longhorns this year?
I like that Coach Muschamp. He’s got movie star looks, chest-bumps his players and is loved by his peers. And has a good lookin’ wife. Reminds me of me at that age, except that I looked like Abe Lincoln, only chest bumped strippers on $5 lap dance nights and everybody hated me because I drank all their bourbon. But they got over it. Oh and my wife looked like Joe E Tata with a wig on and a cigarette in her mouth.
Roxy Roxborough?
So 10 wins?
Absolutely.
Okay Roxy. Let’s have it. Your picks for the national champion and the Heisman Trophy winner.
The national champions will be none other than the Missouri Tigers, with the Heisman Trophy winner being Missouri TE Chase Coffman.
Okay…Missouri winning the national title is feasible…but Coffman? Not Chase Daniel, or even Jeremy Maclin?
He’s from Peculiar, MO. Reminds me of me.
I’d say. Okay Roxy, any other prop bet odds that you have for me this year?
Yes. They are:
Odds that Texas A&M wins the national championship: 100,000 to 1
Odds that Texas A&M beats a team from a BCS conference: 2 to 1
Odds that that team isn’t Baylor: 100,000 to 1
Odds that June Jones is missing Hawaii: NL
Odds that the referee that threw the flag on Jake Locker against BYU was beat up every day in high school: 2 to 1
Odds that another Penn State player is arrested before the season ends: 4 to 1
Odds that Joe Paterno calls marijuana “wacky tobaccy” : 2 to 1
Odds that Clemson is undefeated until late October and then loses another dud game: 2 to 1
Odds that Jimmy Clausen gets his style tips from WWE Raw: 2 to 1
Odds that Mike Sherman wishes he was on the Texans still: Don’t be ridiculous
This Week’s Facebook News Feed
Hurricane Ike is bored, thinking about going to Texas this weekend.
Hurricane Ike is attending the Texas/Arkansas event.
Sam Bradford joined the Dumb Face Quarterback group.
Pac 10 Referee wrote on Jake Locker’s wall: “Don’t you get too excited sonny, I’ve got a flag in my pocket and ready to use it, whipper-snapper!”
Jimmy Clausen has become a Level 10 Douchebag! Become a Douchebag with [/b]Jimmy[/b].
Todd Boeckman is going to LA this weekend…and not too excited about it.
Pat White is wondering why it’s always him.
Rodney King is having flashbacks after watching the end of East Carolina/West Virginia.
Terrelle Pryor is in for a rude awakening.
The Week That Will Be has changed it’s profile name to The Week That Won’t Be
Mike Sherman and Fashion Sense are no longer in a relationship.
On to the games...
UCLA @ BYU -8.5:
This is the third time these two teams have played in the last 12 months, but obviously UCLA brings some big changes at the top into this match-up. UCLA looked great against the Volunteers, but how much of their own press clippings have they been reading? How good is Tennessee? And more importantly, is it possible for the Bruins to show up to a game that’s on the road and not in prime time?
Probably not.
BYU 34 UCLA 21
ATS – BYU
SU – BYU
Ohio State @ USC -10.5:
The game that everyone circled on their calendar months ago is finally here. The spirit of the game has been dampened a bit by the injury to Chris Wells and Ohio State’s near-loss at the hands of Ohio last week, but OSU is an experienced team that plays good defense and doesn’t turn the ball over. That will keep you in many ballgames.
USC is the more talented team and will win, but this one will be close in the fourth quarter. If USC does blow them out after reading how good they are for two weeks…watch out rest of the college football world.
USC 24 Ohio State 17
ATS – Ohio State
SU – USC
Georgia -7 @ South Carolina:
After looking like the old 90210 against NC State, the Gamecocks looked like the new 90210 against Vanderbilt last week, without the benefit of AnnaLynne McCord to look at. Steve Spurrier still hasn’t found a quarterback (or hell, any skill players on offense), and you simply can’t win in the SEC on a regular basis without playmakers.
Georgia doesn’t seem to be showing many ill effects of a turbulent off-season, with Matthew Stafford looking like a viable quarterback alongside running back Knowshon Moreno. The defense has shown some holes, but has shown before it’s formidable when it needs to be.
South Carolina has the defense to pull off the upset, but their offense is just dreadful.
Georgia 28 South Carolina 17
ATS – Georgia
SU – Georgia
Kansas @ South Florida -3.5 (Friday):
This will be a good test for Kansas. Many were wondering how good they were really were coming into this season, saying that the Jayhawks benefited from an easy schedule last year. South Florida had a decent Cinderella run last year, and return many of the same players that made them dangerous last year.
I think Kansas is in trouble here. Yeah, it was UCF and Tenn-Martin, but South Florida has (statistically) the #1 defense in the land, and while that one dimension is good, Kansas is more one-dimensional this year.
I don’t know if it’s really an upset since they are favored, but give me South Florida at home in front of a raucous Friday night crowd.
South Florida 27 Kansas 23
ATS – South Florida
SU – South Florida
Oklahoma -20 @ Washington:
Tyrone Willingham can’t catch a break. And unfortunately I think the only thing they’ll catch this week is an ass-whippin’. Not a good week to be feeling sorry for yourself.
Oklahoma 51 Washington 20
ATS – Oklahoma
SU – Oklahoma
Arkansas @ Texas -24:
Nevermind.
Sigh.
ATS –
SU –
We’ll replace this game with another Big 12 game…
SMU @ Texas Tech -36.5:
SMU has given up 466 yards to Rice, and 465 to Texas State.
SMU = wood shanty, Texas Tech = Ike.
Texas Tech 66 SMU 21
ATS – Texas Tech
SU – Texas Tech
Random Hot Dallas Chick
For entertainment purposes only. Save your money for hurricane insurance.
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